Friday, 30 December 2016


over and above that everything else if you decide to work as a call girl in Mayfair or anywhere else in central London, you will have to look after the package and take care of the admin of your own personal one person business enterprise. Any lovely lady wanting to be the very best escort London can deliver will definitely not have the opportunity to play at that grade without care. Health club visits and workouts, hair dresser appointments, manicures and pedicures, buying new footwear clothes and cosmetics, doing you business banking and accounting. Paying your bills and organizing your tours. They all take time, effort and attention.

Therefore, you are going to need to choose whether or not to refuse reservations, in the full knowledge that it can run out again quickly, or work all the times offered to you and have faith that you are able to hold on while the good times roll. Not an easy judgment ever. You can chat with the bookers at the escort agencies you partner with, but they will definitely not be able to predict who is calling when any more effectively than you can. And it is your physical health and sanity that you are handling!

You need to appreciate the hazards of being mugged as you will undoubtedly be out late in the dark and may carry a good handbag and perhaps loads of cash in hand.

Becoming a high class London escort is not an uncomplicated job. Certainly there are the common issues that accompany being a girl in any circumstance as the very first of the prospective things that will certainly weigh you down. You are going to need to think about the perils of assault, sex-related or any other kind.

There are going to very likely be a ton of drugs and booze hovering about in almost every scenario that you find yourself in. And you need to be able to look after your own self while those things are being pressed at you. Your punters and pals will definitely be encouraging you to engage. And you must make a choice whether to, and if you do how you can retain your professionalism, conduct and welfare.

You are going to be doing the job long and very uncertain hours. But undoubtedly some days even the very best high class escort London can furnish may not be called at all, which is upsetting and paranoia causing. And after that the world will certainly just erupt and you are going to have several dates in one night. That means dashing from place to place while looking great and hot and keeping to the timetable while helping make each client the centre of your interest and providing all your concentration and energy. And as fortune is going to have it (Murphy's Law being exactly what it is) when you have been active all evening, are exhausted, aching and need a break are exactly the moments that you will certainly then have a busy day time, with patrons desiring to see you from late morning all the way thru the p.m. and night-time.

You will need to take note of and remain on top of your sex-related well being. Your gynaecologist is going to eventually become a bosom friend and intimate and there are a lot of perils and situations that you ought to deal with, whether you indulge in anal sexual activity or otherwise, whether you do blowjobs without protection (OWO) or and if you do take part in oral without needing a rubber you will need to choose whether you agree to let a client cum in your gob. And if you do, whether or not you drool or ingest. Clearly you will definitely not do any kind of penetrative copulation in the absence of a condom, neither oral nor anal.

And so it and you may appear glamorous, but by goodness there is a good deal of daily grind that is put into it.

Friday, 23 December 2016


"Sex will sell" they announce. "You can continually sell fornication" they claim. "Guy will definitely shell out money for sexual practiceS" purportedly. Or my own treasured from Banshee, the absolute best TV show that almost no-one views, "FellaS will shell out money for tits until they are dead broke or dead".

For now let us ignore the fact that if you do set up someplace like Madrid or Barcelona you will be competing with world-class escort firms like 2nd Circle Madrid. And that they will probably be able to attract far more attractive and alluring women than you can. Because sex never fail to will sell, so all you need is some women who can fog a mirror, right? And let us ignore the fact that they have professional drivers, credit card facilities, people who refer them business, repeat clients. Male will continually buy fornication, so all you need is to offer it to them. Right?

Hmm ... purportedly it isn't actually quite that easy.

So you get some cards made up. Being smart you probably use a local designer and printer because that will be cheaper than using someone like Vistaprint. So you pay a couple of hundred to the designer and the same to get them printed, instead of fifty through the web. But they do look nice. So all you have to do now is put them in all the bars. But people will not let you. Or hand them out to people. But you do not have the nerve or the touts for bars and clubs in the good locations chase you off.

You do not know how to build an internet site? Never mind, I am sure you cousin Kevin can do it. He is good with that Facebook and YouTube stuff. Oh, it is a bit more complicated than that? I am sure there are lots of nice people out there happy to take your money to build you a nice internet site. Ignore the fact that they have never built one for the adult industry, a website is just a web page. How tough can it be?

The next move is for you to place an advert in the local paper, because you can in Spain. Now the phone will ring off the hook! Except that because easily selling sex is legal in Spain, and because sexuality always easily sells, there are fourteen pages of classified advertisements just like yours, with women will sell blowjobs for twenty euros.

So you put them in car windows, only to find that there are half a dozen cards already there and that yours are removed after fifteen minutes by the next person to come along.

And so it has to be very simple managing an escort firm then. In particular if you're operating in somewhere like Madrid or Barcelona in Spain, when shopping for and selling sexual practice is entirely lawful (The Spanish simply have no regulations pertaining to it one way or the other ). If sex in Barcelona continually sells, and adult males will never fail to purchase sexual practice, how challenging can it be to earn massive quantities of cash with not much effort? All you must do is get a couple of women to get the job done for you, do a bit of product promotion, maybe establish an internet site, and that is it. You can then sit back, choose your mirror finish hustler Range Rover with the leopard print leather seats and start jamming money in your safe-deposit box?

By the way, putting those photos of Beyonce and Billie Piper on your new web page because you have no actual hotties? Not your best move. Enjoy the bill for that one.

But it is fine. Fornication always easily sells. Guy will purchase tits until they are broke or dead. Go you ... good luck.

But then you will be on Google and the phone will just ring off the hook with hookers asking to join you and dudes desperate to pay cash for a quick shag ... ah, you can not find your site? It is probably on page 69 (which is ironic) because it is a new site with no backlinks to it (what are backlinks? Oops!).

And on the off chance that you do actually get a call from someone who happens to find something you have done someplace, you do not have any working females anyway.

Well, yes. But how do you offer it to them? The internet! That is the way to do it, obviously. Everyone knows that the world wide web is basically operated by cats to offer men the chance to get their rocks off. So get an online site done (by cats) and off you go.

Friday, 16 December 2016


Ibiza is less poorly designed than places such as Marbella, where during the summer time the A7 ends up being a large parking lot from Estepona back to Elviria, and from Fuengirola to Benalmadena. Puerto Banus transforms into a slow advancing traffic jam the likes of that London did not have prior to the congestions charge. For those who do not know, Puerto Banus is pratically planned around four round abouts. That is lovely in the winter months, and I guarantee looks fantastically well-formed from above. But in the height of summer time it means that once one roundabout is full (commonly the roundabout with the magnificent rhino on it that connects and from the A7) then cars heading to it can not shift, which fills the ensuing one, and the next one and the ensuing one. Just imagine a model car track with one car obstructing both lanes. Now keep adding in car or trucks and see what materializes!

Obviously, the men with the finest style are not just looking for some whoopee, they are trying to find the sexiest escort Ibiza can deliver, or they prefer to spend time with the classiest escort Ibiza can furnish by the hour. And the escort firms are a lot more than pleased to guide. But be prepared; they are equally as hectic and rushed off their feet (pun intended !) as anybody else in the pleasure niche so do not fritter away their time with ambiguous inquiries or window shopping and collecting pictures of sexily attired sex goddesses. In Spring or November you will receive a pleasant and extended reaction. In mid August, quite possibly less so!

All of that means that the nice hookers in Ibiza are kept tremendously active, it goes without saying at least half of the numerous visitors will be dudes, and a lot of them will require more sex from the numerous whores who flock into Ibiza for the summer season too.

And almost every piece of lodging is rented from mid July to the end of August. You could most probably get few hundred euros for a month on a park seat; and in Ibiza I am sure someone has had a go at as it is quite frequent for people to shell out money for accommodation that quite possibly does not exist or has somebody already dwelling in it.

The summertime busy season does not hit gradually over time in Ibiza. One day there are vacant sunbeds, hotel rooms and villas. The roads are pleasantly very busy and the shops and eating places are very busy but not insufferable. The following day, bedlam arrives.

This is not true of Ibiza, except for the exit from the E10 exit near Pacha that leads to the port. That is most likely because Ibiza has grown more organically rather than struggling with being designed on a notepad. However, at peak occasions (that are not what you would presume!) the E10 from Santa Eulalia is thoroughly full of vehicles heading into Ibiza. The streets from San Antonio and San Josep less so, but still swamped. But everywhere else; wow! It is practical to walk from one end of the sand at Talamanca to the other without even touching sand, just treading from one olive-brown thin beach torso to another.

Friday, 9 December 2016


The West Costa; Puerto Banus specially is where the Daily Mail sends out writers to search for racketeers,, celebrities, drugs and anecdotes regarding the Spanish being shady.

However the Costa del Sol and Puerto Banus particularly is really also where Daily Mail reporters come down to play the game of golf, rest with their family members and attempt to associate with famous people!

Marbella was a very small community of a few hundred occupants up till the 1960s, when Prince Alfonso of Hohenlohe-Langenburg opened The Marbella Club and targeted appealing to international stars to stay in what was really at that time a secluded and concealed jet-set refuge. Sojourners included Hollywood favorites such as Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, Grace Kelly, Cary Grant and Laurence Olivier as well as a host of the principal International blue-blooded families.

The east end of the Costa del Sol -- Torremolinos, Benalmadena, Fuengirola and Mijas-- are where the Daily Mail has the tendency to send press as soon as they are really hunting for tales relating to benefits con artists, drugs and the Spanish being really racist toward British migrants.

Marbella and the rest of the Costa are weird neighbours.

The Costa del Sol was really in the beginning a succession of little white communities based on fishing and agriculture. However, in addition to the ability to cultivate basically everything including things like lemons, grapes and olive oil-- most of which had been famous through Eurpoe and the world since Roman days-- the coast had one particular major factor going for it. more than three hundred days a year of hot sunshine. Not exorbitantly scorching in the summertime, not unduly frigid in the winter months; it is really pretty much, similar to south California, the Goldilocks of climes. And with the introduction of aviation from the 1960s forward, it transformed into a getaway of preference for North Europeans.

Undoubtedly the first high-class escorts arrived in Marbella at exactly the same time !

Next there are really the "houses" or cathouses the place guys will spot up to 200 Marbella escort babes at any type of time. These vary from the long recognized and stylish Milady Palace through to mid-range pleasant places for instance, The Glass Palace to dirty houses of extremely ill repute. At that point there are the private homes used as "houses" which are really typically fronts for drug crews.

However, there is nonetheless a large option of babes performing individually and for the leading Escort agencies in Marbella. So relax, and pick the girl or agency that you feel most worry-free with.

To give you a good sense of scale, that signifies that at just about any given time in the hot months there is really approximately one escort girl in Marbella per 20 guys! Fair odds on the buying aspect of the situation. And what a selection of sexy courtesans there must absolutely be really!

Most of the Marbella working girls who stop by for the summer time fail to perceive how very competitive the market is and only manage to stay for a week or so when their dreams of instantaneous acclamation and treasure fail to appear. Being an escort in Marbella is like any sort of business enterprise; it takes some time to really create a following.

Well ... not really.

The absence of extradition from Spain to the UK (and elsewhere) also pulled in a less appetizing element of racketeers and fly-by-nights. So much so that it earned the tag Costa del Crime. And, as you might expect, professional hookers were constantly in very high demand to help such testosterone driven individuals relax. Besides, if you are really a triumphant entrepreneur/ racketeer you want to have a fabulous and sexy lady on your arm, do you not ?

A large portion of the Marbella escorts operate on the infamous 2nd line in Marina Banus, where they ply their profession in the bars and on the thoroughfare. It is disorganized and can be pleasurable if you are really into that sort of action ...

These days, Marbella is virtually a carnival for escorts and prostitutes of all kinds. All year, the "adult relaxation" section of Sur in English is really loaded together with classified advertisements that leave nothing to the imagination and frequently rock new tourists. In the middle of the summertime there are really approximately 4,500 professional hookers operating in the Marbella area. Which is leaving out all the slutty babes who will swap a blow job for an evening out and a purse!

In nineteen seventy, the resort of Puerto Banus opened and Marbella ´ s success took off. Shining sun and star quality brought in cash, royalty and vips from around the world, which attracted the support work force of builders, cooks lawyers and obviously, escort women.

I'm sure you can picture the look of the Marbella escorts from the 1980s-- large hairstyle, shoulder pads, swarthy sun tan and lashings of blusher. However, a good deal more "all-natural" looking in other types of ways as breast implants weren't as frequent at that point. Nowadays a breast enhancement pretty much seems mandatory for just about any escort in Marbella. However, it needs to be really pointed out that the genuinely outstanding high-class escorts in Marbella are today truly very extremely unlikely to be boosted. A flatter bosom has the very same cache that pale skin used to possess in the Victorian era

Friday, 2 December 2016


The mid market for escorts and call girls in Mayfair teems with females requesting about two hundred and fifty pounds an hour, which is cool, but a lot of their business is incalls which means that you need to have a spot to do the job from, and that needs to be rented and which in turn is taken out of your fees. Does it seriously it need saying that operating from home is a really, really, really stupid tactic?

When I previously wrote, I revealed that being a courtesan in Mayfair or anyplace else in London is absolutely legal provided that there is no human trafficking or duress involved, just one girl is getting the job done from the place, there is no propositioning or advertising in telephone boxes, that no other laws are being broken. (Sale of narcotics, creature persecution, under age coitus, tax evasion ...).

But I was equally pointing out that working as a London working girl will require you to take a good very long very hard review at the truths of what working in the business means. So if I am not talking about arguments surrounding permissibility, sexual diseases etc, what am I referring to? Well the telltale is in my reference of the word "business". Supplying sex is a sales service. It is a job like any other. Sure enough the cliché includes it as being one of the couple of oldest occupations. The other being fighter.

If you go mass market you will be tussling opposed to lots of magnificent eastern European babes who hole up six to a room to make sure that they can send off as much money home as achievable. They are also absolutely happy to travel just about anywhere in London at no notice any time of the day or night and put out an hour of vigorous shagging of any style you can conceive of for 100 pounds an hour.

Anybody at all going into any other form of business would do a little research and audience assessing to start with, but people just heave themselves into the sex industry on the theory that since "sex at all times sells" they will be guaranteed to be able to supply their wares and make a significant wad of income right away. Imagine imagining similarly about starting a cocktail lounge, bistro, shop or nearly anything else and you can observe how crazy it would be. Guys might always really need sex. However why will these guys get it from you as opposed to somebody else? Men also require food, but I am unsure I would really want to go up opposing Tesco or Sainsburys!

And also last but not least, you will want to put together efficient ways to take care of your accounts and control your banking. The last thing you wish to do is misdeclare your income to the Inland Revenue. That way you are certain to get screwed. And not actually in the really good or highly profitable style!

Your ultimate feature, if it relates to you, is actually being British. So few hookers in the mid market in London are British that it emerges as a significant advertising issue!

In the event that you intend to be a top end London courtesan, you will be also competing with women who have bodies of Sports Illustrated or Vogue models (or who might possibly in fact be Sports Illustrated or Vogue models!). You will also be competing with ladies who are proficient in several foreign languages (along with the language of love!) and who have earned MBAs or PhDs. Commonly you will see all of these in the shape of one annoying delightful, pleasant and charming babe.

So do your homework, reason it through, and good luck!

Wednesday, 23 November 2016


Customers who are used to visiting holiday destinations like Turkey and Egypt, or even the south of France, might likely have different expectations, desires and means for their free time. So the adult game in Spain is not blooming in precisely the manner you could expect it as being if you just project from tourist quantities.

Turkey finds themselves in near open warfare with the Kurds still, is dealing with islamic terrorism and its borderline with Syria is one of the most perilous spots on this planet. Oh, and it has just now had a coup detat endeavour by the military. Who would perhaps have been less tyrannical in power than the insane Chief minister.

Greece is exceptional if you are not bothered with respect to whether you will manage to withdraw your money from the cash machines. In the recent monetary upheaval Greek banks stopped giving money and closed charge cards structures. Which must have made life a little tough in a state that was dependent on travels shelling out their money (that they remove out of ATMs or spend via bank card).

The standard tourist and traveller group in locations including Barcelona and Madrid are geared up for their visits. They appreciate what they want and how to find it. They know that sexuality is easily accessible and absolutely lawful to either pay for and market. So if they really want to spend time with the absolute best putas Barcelona can provide, or shell out money for an hour or so with the a pair of the very best escorts Madrid can provide, they will do this.

Algeria is great if you really want armed defenders while you lay on the sand. Which in turn is reasonable as it was not that far back that tourisms were ambushed and slaughtered by submachine gun flourishing Muslim radicals.

So Spain is performing astonishingly well with tourism figures at the moment, and that looks likely to carry on. Some stats are estimating a fifty per cent% surge in visitor figures compared to former years. Locations like Barcelona and Madrid are overwhelmed with visitors. So you might believe that Barcelona escorts and Madrid escorts may be rushed off their sexy feet (Off their kneeling positions? You understand what I am referring to ...) but that is not really the situation.

France is apparently under perpetual attack by French Islamic thugs, including the terrible truck and submachine gun assault in Nice extremely recently. Rarely calculated to produce to a serene holiday unless you are lucky enough to tour with your personal bodyguard detail.

The planet is a tempestuous spot currently. And among the most unsafe, distressed and unstable regions happened, until very lately, to be significant tourism hot spots.

And Morocco is extremely cool and all that, however can solely ever be a specialised niche hot spot, irrespective of how competently the King and his military take care of their citizens.

Egypt is not someplace you choose to opt for a serene and risk free holiday vacation any more. It used to be that diving in the Red Sea was the most perilous part of your holiday vacation (aside from getting you purses robbed in the bazaar or your bank card ripped off by merchants). Now actually arriving at a Red Sea hotel is a hazardous experience that few men and women choose to experience.

Wednesday, 16 November 2016


You would be amazed at the number of the women that you now see in blogs, tabloid newspapers and the gossip magazines have oftentimes had previous work as escorts, or still definitely work (quite discretely) as putas, though normally at the very high end of the Ibiza sex sector. Most certainly I know for sure that of the absolute best high class escorts Ibiza has to furnish at the current time is also the fiancee of a very popular footballer. And a couple of the best escorts London has ever seen are mixed up with a successful musician and a business leader.

So what number of people are associated in the buying and selling of sexuality? The real answer might possibly shock you and your view of the whole world in far-reaching methods.

As far as I have seen, there are truly no numbers on the level of men and girls associated with the acquisition and sale of semi-professional prostitutes. The style of reciprocation where fellas come to see young ladies that would normally be out of their tier in terms of beauty, but where wealth and tokens bridge the gap. In the unfading words of Caroline Aherne as Mrs Merton to Debbie McGee "What first attracted you to the multi millionaire Paul Daniels?"

There is an increasing sector of study into the subject matter of "erotic capital" and the manner in which ladies do (in the present tense), have (for all of human past) and will remain to (provided that males want straightforward access to sexuality and agree to swap value in payment for it) trade their appearance, recognition and erotic benefits for material gain. That may be by means of influence, gifts or the unequivocal interchange of cash money. But as long as ladies have an element that people can not get enough of, they are going to be approached with incentive for it.

There are continually a variety of undependable and changing statistics tossed around with respect to the number of males who shell out money for the sexual favours of women. And about the number of girls who are explicitly professional prostitutes (escorts, whores, hookers, call girls, courtesans, paid for companions, putas, whatever tag you would like to use; that is merely semantics.) In most nations they are hugely inaccurate and based upon hysterically tiny samples, or emerge from prejudiced origins with an ax to grind or a fund-raising begging dish to clatter.

Curiously, they are often sneered at by ladies who work as Ibiza escorts or the like. In the view of those women they are just hypocrites, especially as the "professional girlfriend" is often massively hypocritical about precisely what they are engaging in and scathing about freely pro sex workers.

Anywhere you are, there are normally loads of gorgeous and seductive young ladies who more than happy to spend time, and fuck with, males that they do not really find mentally or physically thrilling, but whose cash makes them stimulating. They are maintained with splendid presents; shoes, high-end purses and travel luggage, great selections of designer label clothes, top of the line cars, expensive amazing trips and vacations, high-quality restaurants and VIP at all the clubs. In essence, these are without a doubt the girlfriends who would not ever think about themselves as hookers. Nevertheless they have little or no other income than that provided by their "beaus". In essence, they shag for dinners.

Friday, 11 November 2016

Marbella´s Finest – Sex & Money

There is undoubtedly a contingent of mafia types (both organised and remarkably un-organised!) that is very prominent and looks to be unimpressed by the supposed growth in worldwide police co-operation. However there is also a growing genuinely upmarket segment to the local area, which is now significant.

Marbella and region nowadays is a fascinating mix of the squalid and the extravagant. Though I reckon for most people, the seedy sphere of pharmaceuticals and hoodlums in viewed as glamorous so there is possibly some cross-over between both.

Likewise, the Olivia Valere club just perseveres doing its own thing in its own way as it has done for several years. It should be said, by the way, that tthe outdated hood laden Sleek disco has been replaced by the racketeer laden Cavalli Club.

As a traveler and occasional resident of Marbella over the past number of years, it has been stimulating to check out the mood of the region change throughout the years. From the original crest of the 1980s "Costa Del Crime" upsurge, when thugs took refuge in Marbella with their gangs to revel in the questionable or non existent extradition treaties, to today's worldwide jet-set scene, Puerto Banus and Sotogrande, Marbella and its neighboring regions like Riviera, Nueva Andalucia, has evolved at a spectacular speed while nonetheless being unaffected at its heart.

Marbella and the Costa Del Sol will always adapt. I hope it will be in a positive way. It has had the tendency to be in the past, even with the periodic major misstep on the odyssey.

Anywhere you pay a visit to on the Costa del Sol, it is obvious that there are an expanding amount of tourists from North America and Asia. They are driving the investing and property development boost in the same way that Arab and narcotic laundering money did in the 80s. Their appearance is propelling the local business community to adapt to meet their different needs.

To give a very dissimilar example from the service sector; escort agents on the Costa del Sol who solely offer unexciting young chicas with no English and are resistant to agree to payment in dollars or plastic money will be helpless to compete with agencies such as 2nd Circle Escorts Marbella orthe Marbella Escort Agency. Those companies are providing exquisite high-class prostitutes from a range of backgrounds with a large range of language skills. And due to the fact that they are properly managed organizations instead of some kind of "life-style" business, they can offer many different payment alternatives. They are also reliable, truthful and keep their agreements. That makes a change evidently!

People from the USA would be very dissatisfied with the poor quality "steak" that a large number of restaurants supply. And this in a country widely known for its bulls! Because of this low end restaurants are progressively more transforming into specialists or are elevating their standards to those of the leading restaurants in the area such as Tango in Puerto Banus.

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

Challenge Your Preconceptions

It is interesting talking with people who are visiting places for the first time, especially when they are new to somewhere as well known as Ibiza. The fact that Ibiza is so well known and has such a place in peoples consciousness means that a visit to the White Island always comes with expectations and preconceptions. Whether Ibiza is famous or infamous depends, to a large extent, on what you have heard and what your preconceived ideas of the place actually are. One thing I have gathered very strongly over the past couple of weeks is that everyone finds at some point during their time on the island that their assumptions and prior beliefs about the place itself and the people here were wrong.

escort ibiza sexy on yacht white dress
Not an escort. But gorgeous.
I am told that the same applies when people visit Marbella and the Costa del Sol as well. In both places, what people expect to find is normally there. Often in greater abundance and scale than they had expected! But there is also so much more that they had never imagined and a lot that forces them to reconsider their assumptions and beliefs.

With most people, when you mention Ibiza their thoughts instantly and understandably run to the superclubs such as Space, Amnesia, Privilege and Pacha. Or to the smaller or nichey clubs including DC10, Sankeys and Swag. Or they imagine the outer circle of hell that is San Antonio (Sant Antoni de Portmany) on any night during the summer months. (I have heard San Antonio colourfully described as Puerto Banus without the money).

In the same light, mention Marbella and people either picture golf courses, or luxury shops, yachts and offensive bling laden wannabes. Or imagine that the whole town is filled with gangsters preparing for gun fight. OK, it is but you would not generally recognise them if you did not already know!

sexy marbella escort denim shorts tanned legs
All of this is most obvious when I am working with escorts in Ibiza, and I guess also for my friends working with Marbella escorts. Being human beings just like anyone else, professional escorts are as filled with expectations and assumptions as anyone. And most of them are, as with everyone else, either wrong or only partly true.

For example, if Ibiza is all about clubs, and clubwear means tight dresses and skyscraper heels, then that is how the most successful Ibiza escort must dress? No. Ibiza is hipp chic. Try shorts a peasant blouse and Adidas Stan Smiths. It is like in Marbella. Everyone thinks that being the mos tmarketable Marbella escort is all about bringing the bling and looking good and glamorous in the bars. It is more about being able to stay interesting and interested when someone has been talking gibberish to you for thirty six hours straight!

Like all cliches, there is more than a grain of truth in those for both places. But it neglects the rest of the story, as it inevitably must. So I am going to do a few blog posts about what else goes on, the things that surprise, delight or plain shock the shit out of people. Hopefully it might even have the same effect on you. A challenge to the assumptions is always good.

Monday, 21 March 2016

7 Ways to Keep Your Husband Happily Married

My favourite relationship helpers
Under the heading of "getting paid to state the totally bloody obvious" section of the media comes this article from Huffington Post. I am going to quote it at length because it is so stratling in the depth of its insights. Actually, it is banal, patronising and annoying click-bait and I am annoyed with myself for readin it and then sharing it. But there you go...

Brittany Wong, the Divorce Editor (!) of the Huffington post offers these startling insights into recognising that your husband might not be happy. 

1) He feels like he cant win - basically he feels like he cant do right for doing wrong and never gets positive feedback. poor dear. If he did more then you might acknowledge it.

2) He rolls his eyes every time you ask him to attend a party - instead of feeling honoured that you remembered to invite him, presumably.

3) He complains about nagging - quite.

Taking dictation after hours
4) He is putting in extra hours at work - no he is not. He isnt working on his career or business, he is banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexyescort from Ibiza.

5) He feels like he’s being punished for things he did in the past - Like banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexyescort from Ibiza.

6) He doesn’t understand why you give him a hard time every time he wants to hang out with friends - or continue banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexyescort from Ibiza.

7) He dodges important conversations - because its up to the wife to decide what is important, after all. Especially if it involves banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexy escort from Ibiza.

Needless to say, since Brittany Wong is a serious journalist, this list is backed up with meaningful quotes from a "Northern California-based marriage and family therapist" and a (I shit you not) "divorce coach"

Let me get this need a list like this to tell you that your Significant Other is unhappy? Guess why they are unhappy? And a list will not help!

Intimacy doesn't have to mean intercourse...
I am often asked why men use escorts, prostitutes, whores, call girls, courtesans, hookers...the terminology is just semantics, the job is the same. And so is the reason; because the man gets something from the professional sex worker that he isn't getting at home. Duh...stating the obvious. I must be a real journalist now!

And yes, sometimes that means a long and vigorous shagging. (I mean being a sex worker, not being a journalist. But then again...) Or getting thrashed by a dominatrix while dressed as a fairy. Or something a bit more "rude" such as having his anus played with or rimmed. But most of that time, that isn't it.

Its a cliche, but most professional escorts in London, hookersin Marbella and callgirls in Ibiza spend a lot more time talking than they do bonking. If a guy merely wants to have an orgasm, he can just visit Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters and most of the time achieve a perfectly satisfactory result. especially with the aid a little good porn.

But a real-live human female offers something else - ears and the ability to use them (for listening!). The most successful high-class escorts are great listeners. As well as being great in bed, of course. Charm is far more valuable than pussy. And it has been throughout history in every culture. The greatest courtesans have always been charming and made their men feel special.

How was your day, dear?
And deep down, that is what men want. So; 7 tips for keeping your husband happily married:

1) Agree with him sometimes and say thank you for some things that he does.

2) Ask him if he wants to attend a party and agree with him to do something else instead if he wants to.  

3) Quit nagging - he is not a child or a dog. Treat him like you would your best friend. He is supposed to be, after all.

4) Ask him how work is going. And if you think he is banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexyescort from Ibiza give him something sexy to come home to.

5) Stop referring to the past. Start looking to your future.

6) Stop giving him a hard time every time he wants to hang out with friends - or give him something sexyand sweet to come home to.

7) Tell him you would like to talk about "X" but that you want to do so when he is ready. 

And if you can do all those, you will either have a much better marriage, or a lucrative future as a successful escort

Ally x