Monday, 21 March 2016

7 Ways to Keep Your Husband Happily Married

My favourite relationship helpers
Under the heading of "getting paid to state the totally bloody obvious" section of the media comes this article from Huffington Post. I am going to quote it at length because it is so stratling in the depth of its insights. Actually, it is banal, patronising and annoying click-bait and I am annoyed with myself for readin it and then sharing it. But there you go...

Brittany Wong, the Divorce Editor (!) of the Huffington post offers these startling insights into recognising that your husband might not be happy. 

1) He feels like he cant win - basically he feels like he cant do right for doing wrong and never gets positive feedback. poor dear. If he did more then you might acknowledge it.

2) He rolls his eyes every time you ask him to attend a party - instead of feeling honoured that you remembered to invite him, presumably.

3) He complains about nagging - quite.

Taking dictation after hours
4) He is putting in extra hours at work - no he is not. He isnt working on his career or business, he is banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexyescort from Ibiza.

5) He feels like he’s being punished for things he did in the past - Like banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexyescort from Ibiza.

6) He doesn’t understand why you give him a hard time every time he wants to hang out with friends - or continue banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexyescort from Ibiza.

7) He dodges important conversations - because its up to the wife to decide what is important, after all. Especially if it involves banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexy escort from Ibiza.

Needless to say, since Brittany Wong is a serious journalist, this list is backed up with meaningful quotes from a "Northern California-based marriage and family therapist" and a (I shit you not) "divorce coach"

Let me get this right...you need a list like this to tell you that your Significant Other is unhappy? Guess why they are unhappy? And a list will not help!

Intimacy doesn't have to mean intercourse...
I am often asked why men use escorts, prostitutes, whores, call girls, courtesans, hookers...the terminology is just semantics, the job is the same. And so is the reason; because the man gets something from the professional sex worker that he isn't getting at home. Duh...stating the obvious. I must be a real journalist now!

And yes, sometimes that means a long and vigorous shagging. (I mean being a sex worker, not being a journalist. But then again...) Or getting thrashed by a dominatrix while dressed as a fairy. Or something a bit more "rude" such as having his anus played with or rimmed. But most of that time, that isn't it.

Its a cliche, but most professional escorts in London, hookersin Marbella and callgirls in Ibiza spend a lot more time talking than they do bonking. If a guy merely wants to have an orgasm, he can just visit Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters and most of the time achieve a perfectly satisfactory result. especially with the aid a little good porn.

But a real-live human female offers something else - ears and the ability to use them (for listening!). The most successful high-class escorts are great listeners. As well as being great in bed, of course. Charm is far more valuable than pussy. And it has been throughout history in every culture. The greatest courtesans have always been charming and made their men feel special.

How was your day, dear?
And deep down, that is what men want. So; 7 tips for keeping your husband happily married:

1) Agree with him sometimes and say thank you for some things that he does.

2) Ask him if he wants to attend a party and agree with him to do something else instead if he wants to.  

3) Quit nagging - he is not a child or a dog. Treat him like you would your best friend. He is supposed to be, after all.

4) Ask him how work is going. And if you think he is banging his secretary or playing hide the sausage with the sexyescort from Ibiza give him something sexy to come home to.

5) Stop referring to the past. Start looking to your future.

6) Stop giving him a hard time every time he wants to hang out with friends - or give him something sexyand sweet to come home to.

7) Tell him you would like to talk about "X" but that you want to do so when he is ready. 

And if you can do all those, you will either have a much better marriage, or a lucrative future as a successful escort

Kisses
Ally x  








No comments:

Post a Comment